I'm jealous of your bromance
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
