Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
