yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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