who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize