i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
