just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
