Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
