Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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