I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
