If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
