your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize