Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize