Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize