well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
