Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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