can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize