I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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