maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
