I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
