This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
