he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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