sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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