We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
