Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
