the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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