I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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