I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
