just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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