Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
