Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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