I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
