Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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