Your dad touched me again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
