Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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