How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
