shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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