He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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