I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
