i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
