Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
