Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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