i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
