I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
