this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
