Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
