just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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