I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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