I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
