what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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