Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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