Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
