So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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