I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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