I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
