I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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