I'm jealous of your bromance
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
