And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
