two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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