My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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