My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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